Mackenzie Klos

Back in Nov. 2021 I had viral meningitis and went into septic shock.  (Sepsis and Meningitis, Sepsis and Septic Shock) I was discharged after 5 days. Due to insurance I wasn’t able to stay the amount of time that the doctors wanted me to. I feel as if my permanent side effects aren’t as serious as other people who had the same diagnoses.

I guess I have some survivors guilt because I listened to people in the around me in the CCU code constantly while I would only send a code out if I didn’t have the high-flow oxygen on. I went into acute lung failure along with my GI tract to slow down even more.

The side effects I have now have me in a wheelchair due to a undiagnosed fainting issue along with nerve pain, lost of feeling in my legs, arms and half my face. I guess that when I hear about other people going into a coma, lost of limbs, or any other life altering changes.

Am I alone in feeling this? Everyone tells me to be grateful because I lived with minimal loss. I know I have PSTD from it and I have a type of meningitis that comes back in flare ups. When these flare ups happen I find myself wishing I never got sepsis or that the doctors I went to constantly would catch it before it got as bad as it did. I see up to 6 specialists either every two months or every month. Plus MRIs every 6 months to make sure my white lessons in my brain don’t grow more.

I guess I just needed a place to vent or to make sure that I’m not as alone as I feel during all of this.